The Business of Getting on with Each Other.

Relationships.

Like a lot of people out there, I am struggling with this subject, and perhaps those who know me, would say I am the last person to air my views about such a subject, however I also believe nobody knows it all, and those who are in a blissful relationship, just found it natural, without going into why it worked for them.

I believe you learn more from your mistakes, than areas in your life where things fell into place first time.

You do not learn a lot from luck, except that we attract our own luck.

I have also tried hard to work on relationships, and try to view them from all angles and peoples positions.

There are very few things more painful and more powerful than feelings, and emotions of the heart can be the most searing of all.

It is a natural need within us, built into our genes, for the purposes of continuing mankind and is very difficult to avoid.

It can also be the most satisfying life long (adult life) gift one can give another.

However if it is based on need alone, and the need to receive rather than to give, then it will always be rocky and likely to fail.

It is similar in this way, in that of a love for a child.

If a mother has a child simply to satisfy her own maternal urges, it will be for the wrong reasons.

Many mothers have a child, because it makes it easier to get housing from the state, this has to be wrong, but is probably a result of the values the mother herself learnt herself from her childhood.

A child though, certainly at first, demands love, caring and consideration, and in all but exceptional cases receives it.

It is a one-way relationship one would think.

But what a child can teach us is invaluable, the love the child can give us is unconditional, and the love, affection and pleasure a child can give us, has to be one of life’s real pleasures.

A relationship is about giving, about understanding.

If the giving is only in one direction it will always naturally fail.

A relationship is about compromise.

One must realize when one is being stubborn just for the sake of it, also as one gets older, people become more set in there ways, and this is another problem that we have to compromise about.

It is easier when we are young, as two people can learn and explore together without the experience of previous problems.

A relationship is also about balance.

In a healthy relationship there will be balance where one always acts as a couple, and thinks for the other party as well as his or her self.

A relationship is also about consideration.

Consideration for the other peoples faults, consideration of the other peoples thoughts and aims, consideration of the other person’s moods and tantrums, consideration for all the annoying habits the other person may have.

A relationship is about knowledge.

It is about learning about yourself, the other person, and what they would like and need.

When we are young, it is a game.

A working out game of learning about what you can put up with and what the other person can put up with.

It is a jostling of positions, a natural game of testing the other, but we do learn and tentatively adapt and find out.

It gets harder in some ways when we are older.

We find adapting more difficult as we are less adaptable; therefore we find change less easy. We are also more prone to fears and scars that we have received, so we will be more guarded.

To compensate against this, we should be naturally less selfish, and more understanding towards others, we will have the experience of life on our side, and hopefully more ready to ‘tolerate’ other’s shortcomings.

Time may become an element with an older person too, as a young adult, time is plentiful, and not given a thought. As we get older, an element of ‘I will not get many more chances’ creeps in.

A relationship is about wanting to please the other person, to want to make them happy.

This should just be a natural process, and many would not even consider they are doing it.

This is also highly logical if you think it through.

In giving you are hopefully making the other person happy.

To be with a happy person, would make you happy, after all who wants to be with a grumpbag when one could be with a smiling happy person.

A relationship is not for the selfish, except to learn a lesson in how to love perhaps.

Fears.

A relationship is also about one’s own hopes and fears.

It is actually about new hopes and giving you a chance to get rid of your old fears.

Do not be afraid.

A relationship is a brand new doorway, not something to be scared about.

Whether it is a new relationship or an old one, there is much to be gained by looking afresh at any relationship.

Foremost, be proud of yourself.

If you are in a relationship that is not working, than imagine yourself without one.

For that is the worst that can happen in most peoples eyes.

It might be inconvenient, even painful, probably embarrassing, but you will survive.

It is also probable that if your relationship is not working, your relationship is all of those things anyway.

Therefore face up to your fears, and imagine the worst, and see that you would, still survive, and perhaps be happier.

Now perhaps you can face up to your current relationship, without the dread of losing it.

Face up to your fears, conquer them, and now try and open a little more understanding.

You can now re-evaluate your relationship based on whether your relationship, and not based on your fears about losing someone.

This is the cause of so much jealousy, and can cause a relationship to crumble for the wrong reasons.

Fear is a killer of relationships that could otherwise be very worthwhile.

Our fears surface from our past experiences.

Relationships can often produce a vicious spiral; the more they go wrong, the bitterer, lost and hopeless we feel making it more difficult to go into the next relationship unscarred.

When they go wrong, they can cut like a knife, and the knife can be as sharp as any surgeons, and with a precision blade guided by all our collective fears, they can literally take us over.

Emotions can really get at you, draining and depleting any energy that you may have to fight them with.

Humans are very adept at falling into the morass of horror a relationship can bring, but why?

What is it that makes what should be such a wonderful event turn sour in our eyes?

Why do we not see a relationship as something wonderful, that should be explored and one that we could learn a leant from?

Whether it works out or not, or is short term or long term, we only see the fear of it ending, and the huge personal disappointment, the personal insult and the damage it caused us.

If it goes wrong we often get put off having another one, for a time, until we get drawn into another one.

Even worse we often go into another one, purely to find solace, to prove we are worth it, or to get back at our previous partner.

Over time all these experiences add up together, making us wary, and in turn vulnerable.

But our fears create our own vulnerability.

Dominance and subservience.

No this section is not about whips and bondage and sexual games, but more about finding out who does what and who controls what in a relationship.

At first it might be thought that being the dominant one is the most desirable, but often, particularly for a woman, being the giver is just as desirable, however if a boundary is crossed, and the dominant one takes too much or becomes out of hand, this triggers a defense mechanism in the subservient one, which then creates a revulsion or a revolt.

A person may have led a moderately subservient role for whatever reason, possibly from dominating parents or parent, for a good deal of there lives, but there comes a time when they will switch.

They might then take on the characteristics of the dominant parent in an almost complete reversal of roles, perhaps for the rest of their lives.

The reason that I am saying this at all, is that relationships, and an understanding thereof is obviously highly important to us all.

A relationship is like a brick of a building, or a sapling, and a good foundation or good roots can lead to a very wide fortress in which to hide in, or in which to enjoy the fruits of your understanding.

A relationship is often about social standing, i.e. who is the natural leader, who is happy to follow and in what areas.

Very rarely is one totally dominant in a relationship, there is nearly always an area where one is more dominant than the other, but look and you will find this is balanced in another area.

It may be best, over time to take turns and not get into a rut, consider this anyway, and see what fun one can achieve from a true partnership.

I foresee that with the forthcoming changes, sensitivity, which has for so long seen to be a weakness, will more and more be seen to be of value, and therefore a strength.

Since sensitivity has for so long been a province of the female gender, a swap in role reversal may appear between the genders, with the female gaining a very prized upper hand.

Males would be well advised to listen more to the sensitivity of the female, as this may prove invaluable and highly practical to the continuing of the human’s existence.

Equally, males may be surprised by there own growing sensitivity.

Attracted to those who have a lesson for you.

As part of the cycle of wider events, I see a lot of relationships waining, and changing, and this will continue as people re-evaluate themselves and become more sensitive.

Some will become closer, some people will give up and go there own way.

Social and moral values are changing and the division between right and wrong is becoming more pronounced.

It is a time of change, and we should consider that relationships are going to go through a battering at the same time, so be considerate and a little understanding.

Current relationships.

Currently, as we become more sensitive, and perhaps more unsure of ourselves and what we are becoming, relationships will become increasingly under strain.

We are not by nature very good at listening, but we will become quicker in knowing what is good for us.

Opening up ourselves to our partners, more than ever before, is probably the only answer.

As changes within us and around us speed up, greater frustrations will emerge will not only tests us, but put a greater strain on our relationships.

Relationships will suffer, as one may well become more sensitive quicker than the other, so we will just have to learn to be understanding of changes around us, and what is happening.

HOME PAGE    RELATED TOPIC    PREVIOUS PAGE    NEXT PAGE

Subjects Cover

 The Spiritual - Dowsing, Meditation, Mediums, Cults, Chakras etc.

The Environmental - Climate change, 2012, Pole Shift, Resources etc.

The Conspiracy - UFO's, Aliens, Bilderburg Group, Illuminate, Drugs, 9/11, DNA, Politics & Religion etc.

FOOTNOTE

Our aim is to create awareness not fear. Therefore may we suggest that this site should be treated as an adult site, and should not be viewed by children. Copyright. All contents of this site is owned by the author and should not be copied without the authors express permission. Please ask first. For legal reasons it is stated that the content of this site should be viewed as the authors own personal beliefs.